Four days before Christmas Steve and I loaded up the truck with the boys, our luggage & Christmas presents and headed for Laramie, Wyoming to visit my mom who was in the hospital. She was admitted to the hospital the day before, due to a blood infection called sepsis and was in very critical condition. The doctors believe the infection started in her bowls which were blocked and then spread to the blood. Even in the hospital getting the treatment she needed, her organs began shutting down due to the infection and at some point she suffered a heart attack. I was told by my siblings that they were pretty much just keeping my mom on life support until my family arrived. I could not imagine that she could be so sick since the day before she went into the hospital she was up and about making her infamous peanut butter fudge.
Once we arrived at the hospital and I saw for myself how sick she was I was in utter disbelief. Was that really my mom laying there with a central IV in her neck, a breathing tube in her nose and another tube in her mouth draining her stomach? How could this be happening to my family and me? Why was this happening to us? We all know the cycle of life but is anybody ever really prepared to get a phone call telling them that a loved one is not going to make it? I know I was not ready for that phone call and hope to never get another one.
After spending some time with my mother we were faced with the difficult task of deciding whether to try surgery or to remove her from life support. After weighting the pros and cons and taking into consideration my mothers wishes, we decided against surgery. The doctor told us he did not expect her to make it beyond a couple of hours after removing the life support. It was not until the next day, after we brought her dog Taby in to see her, that she took her last breath; some 15 hours later. My mom was always such a fighter and such a strong woman, there were times within those 15 hours that I thought well maybe she will just get better on her own. Unfortunately that was not the case and now my three sisters, my brother and I were faced with planning a memorial service for our mother who had just passed away three days before Christmas.
God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you
And whispered come with me.
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands were laid to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.
After meeting with the funeral director on Christmas Eve, Steve & I took the boys and my brother Robert and drove to Cheyenne to spend the holiday at my sister Tonia's house. We did not know how we were going to make it through the holiday but knew that no matter what, we had to try and make the best of the situation for Lucas and Landon. Through it all Steve has been my rock and I am so thankful to have him by my side. By pulling together as a family and being there for each other, we did make it through the holidays, the memorial planning, the service and so many other difficult times.
My life will never be the same and my heart feels like it has a hole in it. Some days are better than others and I try to take it one day at a time. I miss my mom so much and wish that I could pick up the phone and call her just to hear her voice. I have been keeping a journal since her passing and it seems to help me get my feelings out. Each relationship with my siblings has changed and I feel closer with Tonia and Tina than I ever have. I know the relationship I have with my brother will improve because I want it to. We all have only the family we were givin and I cherish the time we spend together. You never know when your loved ones will be taken away.
